Now he tries to help, but its always falling on me, no matter the pain to do it. Sadly so, leave! I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. I think it is very selfish. After 35 years, I want to be with my wife more than ever, not less. Because I am not attractive to her. How can a person be so shallow that they base their lifelong relationship on whether or not their wife can help them empty their balls? I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. I was going to say you lucky lucky bastard., Maybe let her pick the sex partner and she may want to be a side participant in it, could always ask : ), Its been13 years no sex for me.lbeen married42 years..her phone and internet are more important than me. Both Men and women slow down there sex drive but women sex drive is so on the back burner and frankly they dont care about mens sex drive needs. I wonder if it could be depression (something he wouldnt admit to), but its been going on a long time. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. Bonnie, thank you for commenting. That partner depriving you of that intimacy does not give a damn what you do just as long as you do not bother them about it or it interferes with their favorite TV show! He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. But unfortunately I do feel that it is my fault I just wish I knew what and that I could make it better. The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. I understand. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. Youre doing them harm when refusing. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. Sexual intimacy is kissing, hugging, touching, petting, laying baked, masturbating one another, oral sex and that look of intensity that tells you that you are desired. Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing! Now ASAP get a life please. stop insultiing cats. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. I have been dedicated for 43 years but I also realize you need and one thing before you canOnto the other. Showing discomfort is a telltale sign that your wife isn't taking foreplay positively. Sure she was sore & tired particularly in the beginning, but she didnt make it a habit to say no because she knew my hand was nothing like her body that I craved. It makes me feel sick. I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. There is a limit to everything and this crosses that line. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Wow wish my hubby was so attentive as you! Ive always had this feeling from the first of our marriage that he felt somewhat uncomfortable having sex but that it was permissible if we were trying to procreate, but never just for fun or enjoyment. If given the opportunity I would be all over inside and outside the house, flirting and not taking my hand off that booty. I wish I could be fulfilled without sex, like many women as they age. I hear you sister, I am only 52, husband is same age. The scenario you posited is anything but. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. I actually envy those that are single. I am 62 and my husband is 63. Im in ok shape, not overweight . What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. She told me years ago that weve had all the kids were going to have, whats the point?. Anything less is slow sewer side. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. No way you are real!!! So, I guess Ill just embrace the suck. Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. Most women, especially in our age group, only experience responsive desire. I have tried to have a heartfelt conversation but he is not willing to talk about it. I know this because that is what I do, but I have never been more unhappy in my life. If thats the case, try to build a successful relationship after cheating; own up to your mistakes, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and assure her that its all in the past. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! I understand completely!!!! I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. There are many exceptions, but if you dont want me let me go elsewhere. She wanted me to be sexual with her, but would not reciprocate. The comment section saved me from my sexless marriage, the counselling article is just drivel to shore up business to the Psychologist. Hello Mary I can imagine how frustrating it it is for you.I am 65 years old and my wife is 64.My wife is on anti-depressants and she says that she has no desire for sex We have been married for 44 years now.I last had sex about 8 years ago My wife is a very beautiful woman and I am absolutely so frustrated and find that looking at porn and mastubating is not ideal anymore, What I need is a woman, but I am afraid to approach another woman for sex for the fear of rejection, I do not want to have sex with a prostitute. Sure I wish I could be confident in her skin too but Im not going to let it overwhelm me. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. Dear, PS Bishislife, Husbands (and I was one) are men who figured out too late that they are being played for fools. After having our first child, my wife wasnt thinking about sex at all. It destroyed us and our marriage for all intents and purposes. If I was better looking and could make the time to find a willing partner Id do it because sex has dwindled a lot in the last ten years. Let him know, with passion and love, that you miss *that* him . We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. If your wife never initiates affection, it could be due to any of the reasons listed above in this article. He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65. We love them. I love him and am a bad lier, so using masturbation as a release. No, I should say male divined WRONG! Also, make sure you share the housework equally, including the mental load. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. She replied yes. At that time my job became demanding. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. Would you be willing to see a therapist with me to learn how to talk about this? Meanwhile. I knew I had to do something. Ive read where most men think the woman should spice up their sex lives to keep the man from cheating and those kind of men are lazy. 1. I like cuddling. Remember what you felt, believed, and why. He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. I want to divorce my husband!!! At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. Yes Is so agree..No turning back!But Its now time replace her where she doesnt want to be part of.After 40 years 4kids 16 grands 5great Though I miss her warmth her ther body so much!Even after cancer twice majors surgerys reconstructions she still my one n only !N last one tooTime for me replace her affairs only way fishing..hunting ..camping ..some still with her!Rest myself alone ..others with son n grandsons while I still can getting around n driving! When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. My wife and I are celebrating 48 years together in January. What to do about it: Similar to any other health issue, it's important to be compassionate and supportive of a partner struggling with mental health. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. I have stayed in the marriage because of my kids and other family issues which go beyond this comment. The first step toward addressing this oft-tricky issue is to understand why your wife is acting distant and avoiding being intimate with you. I know that there are reasons for everything, hell it could be my fault, but it is just so frustrating. so that leaves to so totally frustrated angry resentful and I hate to say it but it is beginning to I think turn to I hate her. Some of it comes from knowing that your partner is unhappy," she writes at mbg. I mean how do you do that if your married? If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! lol. For me and many others, this is a serious problem and we are, well, desperate for solutions. The distance could be herway of punishing you and teaching you a lesson. When I have a follow up, with a surgeon next month, even though it is not cancer, I will discuss wether or not I should give up the vaginal hormone. Either her body and hormones are so off that she needs the support of . I have the same problem I love my wife but I need sex. We had a normal sex life up till last year 3/4 times a week, but at Christmas, during the middle of the day, where our 2 daughters could have walked downstairs and seen him, I happened to come around the corner near his office to see him standing there watching porn and masturbating, after we just had sex that morning. Try to keep things fun and adventurous between the sheets so that your wife is unable to resist you. I lived with her for a year after a very contentious divorce from the mother of my children who cheated. I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. I get it and don't want to add to her stress. Id say he has some other issues. If they did, they would be taking care of business! It hard to bud out. I am guilty of that. With so many of us in similar situations, it would be nice if we could just reshuffle the deck, at least in this one area. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. It pains Mike and me to hear that women can suffer this way too. I need love that bad to hang on to a partner that never wants sex? I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. I am in this marriage til death do us part but I feel like Im missing something very big in my life. From work deadlines to zoom meetings to bosses to deal with, teams to manage, kids to raise, meals to cook, chores to do, errands to run and the billion other things your wife has to handle, she may just be too exhausted to even think about sex. Should I let him go elsewhere? I hear ya Jose! What do you think a man can do and should do in these cases ??? I have rekindled a relationship that ended over fifty years ago with a woman I dated right before I met my wife. Same exact situation here its a living hell! Ohh my! Shes not. It has worked for me and I highly recommend it as an alternative to just giving up. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! I am in your same position but from the other side I am a 64 year old healthy, active man. I *must* woo my wife, always. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. Having said that, I understand your frustration too. The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. In my is own skin. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. "Anatomically and physiologically, decreasing estrogen and just plain aging cause potential problems for our libido," Hardwick-Smith writes in her book. It will resotre his body as well and make you hapoier. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. Slept in basement for a few years until I built my own space that had an apartment and work shop. The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. If that is not possible, it may be too late. The question is, will we accept that fact, those facts, and act upon them in honorable fashion.? We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. I ruled our marriage & family and still do. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Then, let the pouting begin. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . Think back to the time when you were dating. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. We see each other on a daily basis staying busy to supplement our income and find time to make love once per week. Or does it not matter what the man wants? Both men and women lose sex drives some times, but with proper nutrition and exercise etc it can be reclaimed. Less. both my parents are senior. Its not an option. Really connect. So she still has a spark of sexiness ..but wants the womanizer. And everyone under his authority flourishes.